Married for 8 yrs. Dated for 3.5 years and now we have a two boys a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I am happily married because I learned a good key in a marriage is communication and having an open mind.
It'll be 13 years in April but we dated/were engaged for another 2 before that so almost 15 total. For the most part it's good but the last 8 years have been rough. With all of my wife's deployments (she deployed a LOT more than me) and the 15 months tour in Spain we'll ave been apart over 5 of those 8 years. I hope to god it slows down when we get to Germany.
Married for 8 yrs. Dated for 3.5 years and now we have a two boys a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I am happily married because I learned a good key in a marriage is communication and having an open mind.
As is separate checking accounts
Quote:
Originally Posted by bikinpunk
Mark's an up late kinda dude. His neighbor has a horse.
I can't wrap my head around that. It just devolves into the whole "my money and your money" deal. You're sharing everything else so why not checking accounts? It just makes everything easier.
I don't know either, I mean as of right now, I never closed my own checking account. So I get direct deposit into my checking account, then I transfer it to our "shared" account, which is the only one she has. I guess what lead to that is because she's more of a frivolous spender, and I only buy what I need. Aren't most women the "don't need it til they see it" shopper type of deal? It's like they have little control over that.
Shared accounts works for now. However, when my significant other starts becoming the breadwinner, I really don't know what's going to happen. What do you guys do when you encounter this?
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My wife doesn't have a job, so all the money goes into one account. It makes it tough if I want to spend money on something she doesn't feel is necessary. I'd rather we had separate accounts.
Back when I was dating a different girl, we each made equivalent money. All the money would be put into one account. We'd figure out how much was left over after paying bills and split that amount as our own personal spending money.
We actually have a "bill" account and then each has their own personal account. My purchases never bother my wife.....she only frowns on the time I spend installing the equipment......that is where we sometimes do not see eye to eye. I tend to also do side work and CASh is always a great thing to have in hand and is untracable.
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divorced 10 years last Dec. Re-married 7 years this past Sept. Couldn't imagine my life without her or my Boys (5yo & 3yo)..
On the checking account thing: I get how separate works for some... but ours is a 1... I have been laid off for 4 months now.. jobs are a bitch to find in Dallas... the ones that worth anything anyway.. so we struggle but its cool..
I don't know either, I mean as of right now, I never closed my own checking account. So I get direct deposit into my checking account, then I transfer it to our "shared" account, which is the only one she has. I guess what lead to that is because she's more of a frivolous spender, and I only buy what I need. Aren't most women the "don't need it til they see it" shopper type of deal? It's like they have little control over that.
Shared accounts works for now. However, when my significant other starts becoming the breadwinner, I really don't know what's going to happen. What do you guys do when you encounter this?
What diffenece does it make who the breadwinner is? There has been a time I was the only one working and after my wife enlisted I didn't work for almost 2 years, right up until I enlisted. Neither time caused and stress and we never got into the whole "but it's my money" BS. We pretty much just spend what we want but discuss large purchases with each other. As long as you REALLY trust your spouse, and to me having separate accounts says you don't, there shouldn't be a problem with "needing" a separate account.
It's also INCREDIBLY sexist to think that it's the woman who's always the spender. My mom is WAY more fugal than my dad. Now, he doesn't go on multi-thousand dollar shopping sprees but he'll buy goofy little unneeded shit all the time.
I'm single and indifferent about it. I've had a few relationships that lasted 3+ years, but have now been single for going on three years. If you asked why I would tell you because I'm a victim of the shit economy in Detroit right now, and because of princess syndrome. Well, and because I don't put up with stupid girls.
I have a job, but can't get any hours. My money goes into my house so I can't go out. Even though I meet women, they ALL think they need and or deserve a guy that makes 6 figures. Mind you I live in a mostly well off area.
I love the feeling of being with someone great, but at this point and going forward I'm not going to constantly look the other way at things (nor do i understand why so many men do) just to please a woman. I don't drive down one way streets anymore if you know what i mean. I would rather be single then live a lie so my neighbors and co-workers perceive me to have a higher social status. I won't be the one getting divorced because in reality we can't stand each other.
I just need someone who's realistic. I now know that may be too much to ask.
BTW, my house flooded today as we got hit by some nasty storms and the power was out all day. The sump pump UPS died after an hour. There goes the money I saved to install my system. It occurs to me that the mommas boys who don't have to spend their money on such repairs get the women because they can flash it around when they go out. It's amazing how guys can spot a douchebag a mile away and women flock to them. Then they wonder why the guys they choose can't man up when shit hits the fan. I could go all day about this shit.
If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?
Give me liberty ...or I'll get up and get it myself.
An armed man is a citizen ...an unarmed man is a subject.
I'm single and indifferent about it. I've had a few relationships that lasted 3+ years, but have now been single for going on three years. If you asked why I would tell you because I'm a victim of the shit economy in Detroit right now, and because of princess syndrome. Well, and because I don't put up with stupid girls.
I have a job, but can't get any hours. My money goes into my house so I can't go out. Even though I meet women, they ALL think they need and or deserve a guy that makes 6 figures. Mind you I live in a mostly well off area.
I love the feeling of being with someone great, but at this point and going forward I'm not going to constantly look the other way at things (nor do i understand why so many men do) just to please a woman. I don't drive down one way streets anymore if you know what i mean. I would rather be single then live a lie so my neighbors and co-workers perceive me to have a higher social status. I won't be the one getting divorced because in reality we can't stand each other.
I just need someone who's realistic. I now know that may be too much to ask.
BTW, my house flooded today as we got hit by some nasty storms and the power was out all day. The sump pump UPS died after an hour. There goes the money I saved to install my system. It occurs to me that the mommas boys who don't have to spend their money on such repairs get the women because they can flash it around when they go out. It's amazing how guys can spot a douchebag a mile away and women flock to them. Then they wonder why the guys they choose can't man up when shit hits the fan. I could go all day about this shit.
Amen Brother! You explained it perfectly!
I was married for 10 years and have been divorced for 3 years. I've just not been interested in having a relationship because all the women I've had dealings with are just like you described. That's not to say that there aren't a few good ones out there just that they seem to be few and far between.
Its pretty nice to be in control of my money and not have to worry if/when the checking account will be over drawn also.
I put myself down as divorced. By virtue (and, boy, is that is an ironic way to phrase it) of what she did to destroy our vows and our family - I am divorced; just not yet in the eyes of the State of CA.
I can't wait to have that cancer fully excised. She had killed me emotionally; yet I've now (post her leaving) had a re-birth and have rediscovered peace and joy in my life. I didn't think that was possible. It was, and is.
So - again this year - I am thankful. One of those thanks is that she is no longer in my life (the way she was). That is worth whatever I have to pay, and more.
Just a little update ....
My divorce became final on April 28, 2009. I didn't celebrate (because I believe doing so would be like applauding at a funeral), although I was very happy to finally have that process over with. I felt a huge emotional release.
I've learned a lot as result of this. I am far better off emotionally, even if I have to start over financially. I feel such a tremendous sense of relief.
Oh, my ex-wife "remarried" on June 6th. The unbelievable part is that her new husband isn't "fully" divorced yet, so he sort of has two wives. Despite knowing his divorce decree was not yet final, they went ahead with the ceremony. I assume they didn't get a license, or had to lie in order to get one - but I really don't care. I stopped paying alimony as soon as she married; regardless of whether they had a marriage license or not. She, in my humble opinion, is a lunatic.
I continue in a great relationship - with the same woman I've known for the past two years.
Yes ...doesn't everyone? Actually they are great friends ...it works out wonderfully. I'm 46 ...wife is 33 ...GF is 22.
>^..^<
If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?
Give me liberty ...or I'll get up and get it myself.
An armed man is a citizen ...an unarmed man is a subject.
Interesting responses. At 41 I just wrapped up a 4-year relationship (but no marriage)and was happy not to look for someone for a few months. Suddenly a friend introduced me (via facebook) to this "separated" woman who has me captivated in a way I haven't felt since, oh, college. She's getting out of a bad marriage and I'm getting a sweet, unappreciated woman who's going to treat me like gold...
Been married for 10 years as of yesterday...dated (off and on--mostly on) for 10 years prior to getting married. Have 3 beautiful kids. I am truly blessed.
Thanks ...it works for us. Not everyone can handle this arrangement.
>^..^<
If money is the root of all evil, why do churches beg for it?
Give me liberty ...or I'll get up and get it myself.
An armed man is a citizen ...an unarmed man is a subject.
Re: Single, Married, or Divorced?
I hope to god it slows down when we get to Germany.
Re: Single, Married, or Divorced?
Actually they are great friends ...it works out wonderfully. I'm 46 ...wife is 33 ...GF is 22.
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